Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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