do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude. I can hear the air.
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