You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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