you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
