We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im six kinds of drunk right now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
