I look better un-naked...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
