Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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