Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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