she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
