im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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