its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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