As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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