I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
