you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
