Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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