I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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