So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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