I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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