Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
