I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The Olympian is in my bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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