Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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