I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Pooping to opera.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize