I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
