i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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