Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
