you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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