Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize