I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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