Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love accidental penises.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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