Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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