You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
your like the ambassador to my penis.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
