I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
