No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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