so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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