my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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