Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize