I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think people are normalizing furries
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize