Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
