The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
