So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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