i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize