I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
