yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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