you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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