Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
