she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I'm really busy with my period
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