I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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