He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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