Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
