i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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