do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there's paper in my vomit.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
