What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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