ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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