I am spending my child support on dildos
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
