You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
