I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
