Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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