my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
