I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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