You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
