I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
