my phone needs a breathalizer
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
