So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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