why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
